My current job search conundrums have been entirely too reminiscent of my dating situation in college. Yes, I’m thankful that I have a job, but in three years I have nothing to show for it. I have not grown or experienced anything new, and I’m still trying to explain to my institution what, in fact, a Guidance Counselor should be doing. Not to mention my boss is bat-shit crazy and can fly off the handle for absolutely nothing, and then be kissing my ass the next minute. And while she thinks I am completely loyal, I’m out there every weekend trying to get attention from any position that will bite. I’ll spend countless nights trying to attract another position, and while promising things have happened, I am continuously being ignored and rejected, making my current position seem like all I can get. While my fear of being alone is completely irrational, my fear of being without a job is COMPLETELY rational, because, ya know, you need money to survive.
Enter stage left this little job in the city. I’ll admit, I made the first move, based only on financial rumors that they paid a lot (very reminiscent of my Gold-Digger days), but the institution was so “above” me, I really didn’t think anything would come of it. We went on a “video date,” which is something I had never experienced before. It was awkward. I was awkward. They were enamored, and quickly asked for a second date. Figuring this would be the date I would finally get a good look at their salary, I obliged, yet again. We honestly had a lovely day date and I could tell they were completely into me. It felt good to be wanted. I really hadn’t been wanted in so long. I was surprised, however, at the end of the day they didn’t simply just say “Well, I’ll call you later” and they immediately asked for a third interview. A THIRD interview? Now, I will admit, there was some mutual chemistry. They were just all SO smart, and after working with idiots for three years, I was attracted to their mind. And they loved mine, and it felt rewarding to be wanted for my brain again (which was a feeling I hadn’t experienced since Honors classes in HS). However, looking at the job on a sheet of paper, well, it was ugly. No, let’s say hideous. My commute would double, my hours would double, my workload would double.. and so would my salary, sure, but what about my quality of life? Could I really wake up next to this ugly job every day? I used to have the mentality “looks don’t matter,” but after finding someone I’m physically attracted to, I realized that I was an idiot. Brains get old, abs are forever. Wait, what am I talking about? Jobs, right. So I did the cowardly thing and waited til I got home and emailed them, declining a second interview. I’m at this point in my life where I’m really trying to find THE ONE. The institution where I can ride my career into the retirement sunset and have them give me a nice plaque when I perish from the working world. I just didn’t want to string another job along that I wasn’t completely in love with.
While I kept my response short and sweet, I received a response back that I wasn’t expecting. “WHY?” the pathetic school cried “I THOUGHT WE HAD A CONNECTION. I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?!?”
Geesh, that’s a little needy, don’t you think? And while other people would be completely turned off, I felt guilty. Here I was, with a job, a job in my FIELD, unlike so many other Americans. While it wasn’t perfect, I could tell I was really valued, and that made my heart ache. And here I was, playing with another institutions emotions. What I thought was just a run-of-the-mill interview had obviously meant more to them then it did to me. Ugh, the anxiety.
After pondering the email, I responded with a classic “it’s not you, it’s me.” I know this never really works, but it was my boyfriend’s idea, and I’m his only serious relationship to date (go figure). It might have been a smart move, however, because it kept the door open for the future in case I have a change of heart and I’d like to reapply. I simply stated that I couldn’t get the time off to go on another interview, and I didn’t want to take the risk of my other job finding out and firing me (<-fear of being alone). I was rewarded with silence, which I was fine with. The issue had ended…
Until two weeks later. In the mean time, I had continued doing my thing. Flirting with hot jobs on weekends, writing them love letters, giving them my phone number, telling them to call me. The silence was deafening. Just as I had accepted defeat for the school year, I received an email from that ugly job, just checking in to see how I was doing.
“So, we had some candidates who completed the process but honestly, we can’t get you out of our heads. You are exactly what we are looking for. Your knowledge and passion exceeds everyone else we interviewed, and we would like to have a conversation with you. Can you meet up this Friday after work? Please? Just one more chance?”
Yikes, a stage 5 clinger. Hadn’t we only had one real date? How do you even know I’M THE ONE? Again, for some people this would be a complete turn off. However, there’s one thing I love in this world, and that’s myself. And when I find someone else that loves me too, well, we already have so much in common I can’t easily exclude them from my life. They got me – ONE MORE DATE. And hopefully I can see their checkbook this time. Seriously, if boys paid me to date them, life would be so much easier.
Cellar Door 